Brainfart: OCD

The term OCD (Obssesive Compulsive Disorder) or claiming to have OCD is used often to describe people’s meticulosity these days. I always encounter people say that they’re “OCD”, “OC” or “Oc-Oc” when it comes to being compelled to organize or arrange certain things that are in disarray even in public. I myself do that. I always find myself arranging grocery items in the shelves of supermarkets, or putting back items that are out of place (y’know those things that people finally decide not to get, or maybe saw something better but are in a hurry or too lazy to put it back where it originally was).

Some find it irksome when normal people use the term OCD/OC to describe that compulsion. They find it insulting for actual people diagnosed with OCD as it is defined as a serious mental illness.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorderis a mental disorder where people have to check things repeatedly and or obsess about a certain thing repeatedly. And it’s something they cannot fully control. 

I had a phase this year where I watched the UK show entitled Obssessive Compulsive Cleaners where people, some diagnosed with OCD and some who are just obsessive cleaners, are given the challenge to clean out people with dirty places.

These people with dirty places are hoarders whom are either suffering from depression or are disabled. In conclusion, both types of people end up helping each other which I guess is the goal of the show.

I guess I understand those people who use the term OC to justify their sense of meticulousness but I also understand those people who find offense when that word is used for that context.

So I guess it’s safer to use the words or call themselves meticulous, particular or nitpicky. 

Instead of saying,”I’m very OC about my things.” Just say, “I’m very particular/meticulous about my things.”

OR plain, just call yourself a perfectionist or a neat freak because having OCD is way more than just being organized.

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August News

We haven’t even reached the 1st death anniversary of my sister in law, we lost another family member again. This time, it’s a very close cousin from Steve’s Father side, Kuya Melgar.

I’m really annoyed at this point because we were all supposed to see each other in two days, TWO DAYS. It would’ve been a happy celebration of his niece’s 16th birthday. I was already expecting a lot of laughter and added fun memories. We even planned a surprise bowling game after the party for him. I was looking forward to that day like any normal exciting family day actually.

Then this happens. SUCKS. He had a heart attack, revived twice but didn’t make it.

I haven’t fully cried my eyes out just yet because it hasn’t sunk in until I see him. I worry about his wife, Ate Lennie and his sons, Ransel and Jayjay, but I know they’ll get by.

Although he has accomplished a lot in his lifetime and has told us his life stories, even about the Fortuna family tree during our long drives to Ilocos and meet ups wherever, it’s just sad to know once again that he won’t be with us in the future. It’s the actual reason for grieving, missing the presence of the person.

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Steve, Kuya Melgar and Ate Lennie

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I’m not even done grieving for the loss of my first dog here in Philippines, my Kitchie love. Although I kinda expected her passing would be anytime soon coz she’s old already so I’m at peace when my Mom told me about it. I even dreamt of her days after I found out that she died. My dream was she came down a staircase and went licking my face with her ever bright smile. Then I hugged her in my dream and cried till I woke up. I wasn’t crying when I woke up though, which meant I’m at peace wherever she’s at. I usually wake up crying when I cry in my dream especially these past few months. Anyway, I’m grateful for her life and the time I spent with her. She was a gift from Steve and she died at 11 human years old.

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My KITCHIE love.

So right now, I don’t know what to feel about anything and anyone. I guess I’ll never get over this type of news. Everyone will eventually leave this place. Where you end up in the after life is up to you, just make sure to make your journey worth it.

For all we know right now, or as how we’d like to believe, we gained new angels watching over us once again.

30 on 10/20

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I’m officially 30 and here are 15 things I am grateful for in this life.

  1. I can eat what I want.
  2. I have a husband whom I love and vice versa.
  3. I have friends who are there for me.
  4. My parents are healthy.
  5. I have a nice place to live in.
  6. I have a car that can take me to places.
  7. I can drive by myself.
  8. I can travel to other countries.
  9. I can climb mountains and appreciate the beauty of it.
  10. I have my dogs.
  11. I have a convenient job.
  12. I have shared pain.
  13. I care less about society.
  14. I care more for the environment.
  15. I am able.

Wherever life takes me from here, I will forever be grateful.

Jealous of the Angels

This is a song dedicated to my Sister-in-Law Ate Mary Ann F. Lea who passed away 40 days ago. Missing her so much.

Jealous of the Angels

I didn’t know today would be our last
Or that I’d have to say goodbye to you so fast
I’m so numb, I can’t feel anymore
Prayin’ you’d just walk back through that door
And tell me that I was only dreamin’
You’re not really gone as long as I believe

There will be another angel
Around the throne tonight
Your love lives on inside of me,
And I will hold on tight
It’s not my place to question,
Only God knows why
I’m just jealous of the angels
Around the throne tonight

You always made my troubles feel so small
And you were always there to catch me when I’d fall
In a world where heroes come and go
Well God just took the only one I know
So I’ll hold you as close as I can
Longing for the day, when I see your face again
But until then

God must need another angel
Around the throne tonight
Your love lives on inside of me
And I will hold on tight
It’s not my place to question
Only God knows why
I’m just jealous of the angels
Around the throne tonight

Singin’ hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
I’m just jealous of the angels
Around the throne
Tonight

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June 13, 1978 – August 24, 2017

 

 

2013 Highlights

– Hong Kong/Macau Trip with Steve and his family

– Fainting while hiking a small mountain in Cuyapo, Nueva Ecija (lesson learned: Breathe!!!)

– Zambales Trip

– Ilocos Trip with my Dad

– Mount Pulag Climb

– 10k Milo Marathon

– Bali Oasis Condo

– Losing Tantan 😦

– Marriage proposal on my Birthday

– Mike and Maricris’ Wedding

– JR and Marianne’s Wedding

– USA Trip: Los Angeles, San Diego, San Jose, San Francisco, Oregon

– Snow Experience for the first time!!!

– Reuniting with my best friends Gena and Kate and meeting new friends in the US

– Gena and Rich’s Wedding, being Gena’s Maid of Honor

– Spending New Year’s Eve on the plane back to Manila

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October Wish

It’s that month of year again where I have to remember the time I was brought out to this world.

Lemme just give a sum up of what my life is about right now.

Family Aspect

Hmm, my Dad’s in Bahrain, he’s miles away and calls very seldom while I haven’t seen my mom for more than a year now plus we still have that misunderstanding going on. It’s already a good thing that my Dad gets to come home every 6mos and I know I could fix things so easily with my Mom but somehow I’m pretty much liking the way things are with us. It has given me and my Dad this certain freedom. It’s a long novel on how and why we feel that way. I find it difficult taking care of our assets alone though, especially with our dogs left at our house way back in Laguna. I need to always find time to go home and provide them with food. If only I could live and work in Laguna instead, but work is in the big city.

 Money Aspect

In the case of money, I guess that’s the part I should be most Thankful for because I am well provided by my Dad. Even if I don’t earn much with my job, I am well provided. It just gives me the guilty feeling that at my age I’m supposed to be the one helping out my parents financially. It also goes to the expenses I am faced, more money more expenses is the game. When I get to save, there will always be an unexpected incident where I need to spend more as well. I guess that’s how emergencies work.

Relationship Aspect

I am very grateful the way things are with me and my boyfriend right now but some things are still not in place. I guess I’ll keep it to myself for now. With my friends, I’m pretty proud of myself that I am able to maintain a lot of friends for the longest years which tells a lot about how I handle friendships. Being an only child made me treasure friendship that much. I’ll never trade them for anything else.

Work Aspect

I can’t really say I’m proud of my choices when it comes to career, the regret there is a very long list. But this is the kind of path life has led me to. I guess I haven’t found that purpose that will change the way I see my job but nevertheless, I am thankful for the people I work with, full of humility and optimism. An environment for someone as disturbed as me really needs.

October WISH!

It’s not such a tough time right now but I have my struggles and anxiety attacks so all I ask for is strength to face these struggles, faith to make it through, humility to accept my weaknesses, courage to take charge and wisdom to make the right choice.

THANK YOU LORD FOR ANOTHER YEAR!